i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
