he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
