I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
