I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
