if you like me you must not know who I am
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
home. puking in laundry basket.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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