bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
