I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
