wanna go halves on a baby?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
it's like iHOP with fire
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
