I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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