Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
