Sry I called you an 8
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
