so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
