the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
