ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
