Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
me + whiskey = a bad person
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
