My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
