who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
