If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
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