am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
