Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
