apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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