So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
