when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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