That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
