i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
