yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
