I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
