Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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