if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
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