Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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