Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
