the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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