I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
