In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
