i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
