dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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