She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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