FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
