It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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