just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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