dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
