making cat noises will not fix the situation.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
