I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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