I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
