NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So many bounce houses so little time
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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