it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
