stop calling my apartment porn island.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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