i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
