the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
