My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
