Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
