I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
