if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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