can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Randomize
