I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
