You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I have aggressive nipples.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
