Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You dont lie about slip and slides
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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