She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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