with your own penis?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
