I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
