I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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