Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
