as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
